


Tommy Being An Idiot For 9 Pages Straight

by royal_arts



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, also i've never been to a funeral before so expect some mistakes, clingy duo, either way this is probably the funniest funeral i will ever write, tommy basically ignores ranboo for a full 9 pages and it's great
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28216182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/royal_arts/pseuds/royal_arts
Summary: Tommy had never been to a funeral before, so honestly this was a little weird. What was even weirder, however, was that it washisfuneral.Techno sends Tommy out on a scouting mission. What he finds is... interesting.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 25
Kudos: 406





	Tommy Being An Idiot For 9 Pages Straight

**Author's Note:**

> I've currently predicted at least three events in the smp before so if this happens next stream i'm formally signing up to be a fortune teller.
> 
> Anyway, here's me having way too much fun with ranboo and tommy for roughly 3k words, enjoy!

Tommy had never been to a funeral before, so honestly this was a little weird.

What was even weirder, however, was that it was _his_ funeral.

It was his first solo mission that Techno actually allowed him to go on (all those secret missions that ended in arrows and fire and Techno having to jump in and save him didn't really count), and he was determined not to let him down. He briefly remembered some time a while ago, going behind Wilbur's back to try and rescue Tubbo, but it... didn't exactly end well.

He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to think about that.

Right now, he was supposed to be concentrating on scouting out the area and looking for possible bases and escape routes, and not how Techno had smirked and said, "You're a big boy now, you can do this by yourself," before sending him out in the first place.

He smacked his palm against his head. "C'mon, Tommy, focus."

There were a few open areas to perhaps make another underground base, and a couple older buildings that they could get some use out of. Plenty of trees around as well. Apparently they were good markers for secret bases. There were some other small markers scattered around the place, a steady water supply, plenty of places to go mining and collecting food, and... absolutely no people.

Tommy narrowed his eyes. Where the fuck was everyone?

He scoured over the area again. It was completely empty and still, not a sign of humanoid life around, perfect for a stealth mission but not exactly ideal when he wanted to know where all his friends were.

_What the hell?_

He paused for a second, just thinking.

Then an idea slipped into mind. There wasn't a way to locate absolutely everyone in L'Manberg– lord knows how convenient that would be– but there was a way to locate at least one.

He leapt from the rooftop of whatever new building he was stood on and tucked his head into a somersault on the ground– a neat trick he had picked up after a few too many instances of being rescued by Techno. A quick pearl to his house, thankfully untouched since he was gone, and he was rummaging through his Ender chest, shoving away the discs and his weapons and gems until he found the familiar red arrow covered by a circle of glass.

Slowly, as not to risk damaging it, he picked it up, turned it over and ran his thumb over the familiar inscription: _L'Manberg - Your Tubbo._

The arrow remained faithful, as Wilbur promised it would, and pointed some place to the... east? Wait, no, that was north– or maybe northwest?

He sighed. No matter what Techno had done, he still couldn't read a compass.

Either way, Tommy knew where he was going now. With the chain now clasped around his neck, he set off.

Turned out, the compass was leading him to an area he was all too familiar with... sort of. It still had the same raised platform alongside a lectern for the president to give his speeches, only this one he could actually look at without having to suppress a shudder.

Tommy turned a corner, and– HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE–

Rows and rows of seats were laid out, almost completely filled with people sitting and unmoving. His friends. Phil's voice came echoing from above, and everyone else was silent.

"Dad...?" Tommy muttered. He strained to hear what Phil was saying, leaning forward but still clinging to the wall.

"–horrible thing to have happened, especially to someone so young," he managed to catch. Tommy raised an eyebrow as he continued, "And I... there's not much else to say, really." He laughed airily.

There was movement to the edge of the podium, and Tommy shifted his gaze. Two figures stood, one significantly taller than the other, but both dressed in black suits and occasionally sharing a sorrowful glance.

He squinted. Tubbo and Ranboo. That's who they were.

Phil looked to the side for a second, almost like he was thinking about something, and Tubbo's head was down with everyone else was facing his direction. Away from Tommy. He could probably run out into the open, and no one would notice.

Well. Not exactly _no_ one.

He sprang to his feet and frantically waved his arm about, gritting his teeth in a fervid effort not to yell out. He watched Ranboo twitch, furrow his eyebrows, turn, and widen his eyes into dinner plates as he went completely still, mouth agape.

Immediately he began making a slicing motion across his neck, mismatched eyes filled with panic. He looked focused for a second, then a message appeared to Tommy.

_Ranboo whispers to you: TOMMY_

_Ranboo whispers to you: YOU CAN'T BE HERE_

_Ranboo whispers to you: GET OUT WHAT IF DREAM SEES YOU_

Tommy promptly ignored all of this, and instead opted to sprint past the crowds of people until he reached the crane beside the podium. It was newly decorated, it seemed, with flowers and vines now wrapped around it. Or maybe it was just overgrown. Ranboo shot him a terrified look, one that screamed _OH DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T DO WHATEVER I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO_ , one that Tommy had seen way too many from just about every adult he had ever met.

...that was a lie. Tubbo had definitely given him that look before.

Back at the lectern, Phil cleared his throat. "Um. Well. We all loved him– I think– and we all miss him, and... I think I'll pass it onto the kids now. Uh, everyone give it up for Ranboo!"

There was no clapping.

Ranboo made his way slowly toward the lectern, leaning back awkwardly as Phil adjusted the mic to match his height and scurried offstage.

Tommy began clawing his way up the crane in a tangled mess of foliage and limbs when Ranboo began his speech. He still wasn't too sure what was going on, other than the fact that everyone seemed to be wearing something black, and Tubbo appeared to be upset, and... Ranboo was delivering a speech... right after Phil had started everything off with his own small speech...

His mouth fell open.

The tower he'd built back in Logstedshire. The mini crater where Dream had blown up all of Tommy's belongings. The house and signs that he hadn't even bothered to take down before leaving.

He hissed. _No way, no way, no way..._

Ranboo cleared his throat, straining to keep his eyes on the audience and not on Tommy. "Uh... I– I only really knew Tommy for about a week before he got exiled, but from what I knew of him, he seemed to be a great guy."

_YES WAY YES WAY YES WAY–_

He whistled under his breath.

Holy shit.

L'Manberg thought he was _dead_.

...oh, this was gonna be fun.

Tommy finally made his way on top of the crane as Ranboo continued. His hands tapped anxiously against the lectern, and he tried not to make eye contact. "Uh, To–Tommy was certainly something, we can all agree," he said slowly. "And, he might not be with us right now, but I think I speak for all of us when I say that he will, er, live on in our hearts, or whatever."

Tommy only just managed to catch his mutter of, "Oh god why did I agree to this," before he shifted his gaze and stared at him, jerking his head downwards. His pupils darted between Tommy and the bottom of the crane, signalling for him to climb down. Tommy, once again, ignored him.

Tubbo and a couple audience members seemed to notice, though. They turned their heads to the top of the crane, and Tommy dropped onto his stomach.

He frowned. _Oh god oh fuck, if they catch me Techno's never gonna trust me again oh god–_

Ranboo coughed. His eyes seemed to be rapidly switching between Tommy and the audience as they turned back to face him. "He didn't deserve what happened to him, I think we can agree. Sure, he, he was a little impulsive and rude and annoying at times–"

Tommy held up a crossbow.

"–but still he was a pretty great guy who fought well for this country– I think– and we'll all miss him," he finished quickly. Tommy put the bow back down and Ranboo sighed.

Tommy focused for a second.

_You whisper to Ranboo: try say something bad about me_

_You whisper to Ranboo: i dare you._

Ranboo gulped as Tommy smirked.

"Um, it–it's sort of weird, when you think about it," he continued nervously.

_Ranboo whispers to you: you are an absolute nightmare._

_You whisper to Ranboo: why are there so many vines up here?_

_Ranboo whispers to you: decoration, ghostbur's idea_

He paused. "I didn't really know Tommy for too long, especially compared to some of the other people on this server, but, um, I know that he was strong, and kind, and he always had this country's best interests in mind. Granted, he kinda had the whole exile thing coming to him, but still he usually did whatever was best for our nation. Or so I've been told. I really don't know, I wasn't around at the time, someone seriously needs to catch me up on the backstory of this place–"

Tommy squirmed. Why were there so many fucking plants on the crane?! They were making this whole stealth mission a lot more uncomfortable than it needed to be.

"And anyway, um, we may not know where Tommy is–"

He broke off to mutter something inaudible, but looked a lot like, "That is a lie, that is a very blatant lie," before continuing, "we won't likely see him again, I just hope that wherever he is– uh, whoever he's with– I mean, whatever he's doing– wait– no matter what happens, he may be gone from the serv– L'Man– _us_ , but he'll always be a part of our, uh. Family. Pogchamp. Okay I give up, Tubbo your turn–"

He marched offstage, opposite Tubbo and underneath Tommy.

_You whisper to Ranboo: awwwww_

_Ranboo whispers to you: don't make me teleport up there._

Tubbo ambled towards the lectern. His feet dragged achingly slow across the wooden platform, and his head was still low.

Tommy shuffled forwards and propped himself up.

Tubbo looked, in a word, _different_.

In several words, Tommy could go on and on about how puffy and bloodshot his eyes looked, how his hair looked like it had been haphazardly brushed through with his hands, how his blazer looked far too big for his body, how his entire outfit looked like it had been bought just for the occasion. The shit-eating grin that had been plastered on Tommy's face the entire time fell.

He wriggled forward again.

Tubbo pulled the microphone down to his mouth. He tapped it a couple times, cleared his throat, and began.

"First off, I'd like to thank everyone again for attending," he said, eyes downcast. "I'm sure it would mean a lot to Tommy if he knew."

It did, actually, now that he thought about it. There were so many people filling up the seats: Niki and Fundy and Jack Manifold and Quackity and Eret (man, fuck that guy) and Bad and Skeppy and Sam and so many more people. All attending his funeral in black outfits and dark eyes. It was almost sweet, in the most sickening way.

Tubbo cleared his throat. "I... I really don't know what to say." He laughed despairingly. "I didn't prepare a speech for this, but, uh..."

He cast his gaze down and breathed slowly, in, and out. Then he looked up, eyes shining. "Tommy was my best friend. He was stubborn and reckless and had no regard for safety, and he was... selfless. He gave up everything for L'Manberg, his life, his discs..."

He laughed again. "Those discs." His voice was almost silent, and Tommy leaned in to listen. "He really loved them, huh? He–he actually gave one to me, y'know, as a sign of trust. And... I think I should have realised then that he didn't care about the discs more than he cared about me. About us."

Tommy shuffled against the edge, only to be stopped by something tugging at his foot. He turned and frowned.

"Stupid fuckin' vines," he muttered. He yanked his leg away, but still there was something pulling at him.

He hissed. Dammnit, Ghostbur, why did he have to put _vines_ as decoration? In fact, why was he even decorating his funeral in the first place–?

He shook his head. No, he knew exactly what Ghostbur's response to that would be. _Yeah, that's what I was thinking! I was really confused because they said that you were dead, but Tubbo looked really sad and I couldn't say no._

He huffed. _Wilbur, I love you, but you are so fucking stupid._

Tubbo was still going on with the speech. It sounded lovely, from the snippets he'd managed to piece together, but it was a little hard to pay attention when there were still vines snaking up his legs– both of them now, after he'd wiggled around so much.

_You whisper to Ranboo: RANBOO_

_Ranboo whispers to you: oh god what did you do this time_

_You whisper to Ranboo: LOOK UP_

He did so, and his eyes widened.

Tommy mouthed, _Help me!_ as Ranboo sighed and shook his head.

_Ranboo whispers to you: later_

_Ranboo whispers to you: we're kinda in the middle of something_

_You whisper to Ranboo: you are a Bitch_

Tommy propped himself up, back facing the podium. He shook his leg rapidly, only to realise that–

_You whisper to Ranboo: THERE ARE VINES ON MY ARMS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME_

_You whisper to Ranboo: HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN_

_Ranboo whispers to you: i'll be with you in a second, let tubbo finish his speech_

Tommy squirmed again. They were everywhere now, Ghostbur had really gone ham on the decorating, and holy mother of christ it was like being forcibly tied up with a coarse rope, and Tommy was coming dangerously close to the edge, and–

_Uh oh._

Tommy was used to the sensation of falling, but it didn't make it any less terrifying. His heart dropped and his entire body went still, just for long enough to faintly hear Tubbo muttering, "He was the best and bravest friend I've ever had–" before Tommy started screaming.

He probably couldn't have helped it if he tried. His heartbeat roared in his ears as he screwed his eyes tight, preparing for the ground to slam into his back, then... nothing.

Tommy opened his eyes, slowly.

Turned out, the vines were good for _something_.

They wrapped tightly around his body, but somehow they were still strong enough to hold his weight. Or maybe he was just incredibly light. Either way, he was safe, and that's what mattered.

Tommy flopped haphazardly onto his stomach, still bouncing in the vines like he was in a hammock. The audience stared, mouths open, as Tubbo snapped his head around and Tommy grimaced. Fuck, he was gonna have so much explaining to do.

"...and he's right there," Tubbo finished. Ranboo facepalmed.

"Uh– no he's not," he blurted out. "You're seeing things."

Tubbo turned to the audience, who were still pointing and gasping at Tommy's writhing form. "No I'm not, see?! They can see him too!"

"No they can't!" Ranboo turned to the audience and repeatedly made a cutting motion on his neck. No one noticed.

Tubbo rushed forward. "Tommy?! What are you–"

Ranboo closed his eyes, drawing his limbs in, and he teleported in front of him. "Tubbo– Tubbo, listen. I know it's hard, but Tommy is dead."

"He's literally right there, Ranboo!"

Ranboo grabbed his arms. "You're hallucinating! Look, Tubbo, I know that you miss him, but you need to accept that–"

"Does anyone have a bow?" Tubbo interrupted, whipping around to face the crowd that had gathered at the bottom of the crane. "Maybe we can shoot the vines down."

"And ruin Ghostbur's decorations?"

Tubbo raced forward, and Ranboo dove to grab his leg. "Tubbo!"

"What? What are you doing?"

"You're seeing things, Tommy isn't there! Look." He looked up to Tommy. "If I say something, he won't do it. Hey, Tommy! Hold up a peace sign!"

Tommy, who had not heard any of the previous conversation, held up a peace sign.

Ranboo slammed his head into the wooden plank floorboards. "Why do I even bother?"

"Tommy!" Tubbo shouted. "Stop moving, we're gonna get you down."

"I– please don't do that, I'm _very_ high up–"

There was a snap, and Tommy plummeted down to the podium with a very dignified scream of, "FUCK!"

The floorboards creaked with the impact, and Tommy groaned.

Tubbo stepped closer. "Tommy?"

He scrambled to find his footing. "Uh, yeah. Hi, Tubbo."

He nudged his shoulder. "You're... not dead."

"Uh, yeah, as far as I'm concerned."

There was a gleam in his eyes, and Tubbo raced forward and tackled him with a hug.

The thing that a lot of people didn't know about the duo, was that while Tommy was better at fighting, Tubbo was a hell of a lot stronger than Tommy.

And Tommy knew this.

Which was why he immediately started screaming as soon as Tubbo hugged him.

"OWW! OWOWOWOW! TUBBO YOU'RE KILLING ME," he shrieked. Tubbo ignored him.

"I missed you," he muttered into his T-shirt.

Tommy laughed. "I missed you too."

Tubbo didn't let go until Tommy finally hugged him back, yanking his arms free and embracing his friend. They stood up together, trying to ignore the fresh tear stains on Tommy's shirt.

"But, I– how?! The tower in Logstedshire, I– everything was exploded, and..." he trailed off, like he didn't want to finish the sentence.

Tommy sighed. "It's a long story," he grinned. Then his eyes went wide. "Uh oh."

Everyone was staring at him now, mostly with relief and grins on their faces. It was quite the contrast against all the black, but what caught Tommy's eye was the carefully neutral stares from a select few members.

What was that thing Dream had said?

_L'Manberg can be independent, but L'Manberg can't be free._

A scene flashed in his mind. Techno, right before sending him out, sharpening an axe and looking Tommy dead in the eye. "Don't let anyone see you, not even Ranboo. I trust you, but if you fail I'm taking away your breathing priviliges."

"What?" Tubbo asked, innocently enough.

Tommy wheezed out a laugh. "Techno's gonna kill me."


End file.
